Monday, November 25, 2019

Grateful hearts

Before i could release 
the weight of my sadness
and pain, i first had
to honor its existance
~yung pueblo

don't run away
from heavy emotions

honor the anger;
give pain the space 
it needs to breathe

this is how we let go
~yung pueblo

[Stan on the left]
Two weeks ago the earth tilted off course for a brief moment and a friend of mine, Stan Crossland, died as he tried to change a tire on the shoulder of a highway in California. It's been a painfully sad two weeks yet I've also had this amazing flood of memories. This post is one of mourning but also gratitude for the time we spent together. Stan was an effervescent guy, filled with laughter and good vibes. He loved to travel and had been to a crazy amount of countries. He loved good food and we often ended our evenings with chocolate chip cookies dunked in a mug of milk. He was filled with surprises and thoughtfully showed up on Valentine's Day with a heart-shaped pizza for me at the end of my wait shift. We hosted several Friendsgiving events and played football in the snow before dinner. We both love music and were often out dancing to a variety of local Denver bands in and around the city.
We traveled to Las Vegas in May 1993 with friends to see Sting and The Dead play; we had so much fun tromping around the glittery all-night city, cocktails in hand. Just the other day I had a flashback memory of finishing our hotel breakfast and heading toward our car through glass patio doors where we saw the beautiful pool and took one look at each other and soft dove right into that pool with clothes on. It was a wet first few hours back in the car but we laughed about that for a long time. So smug were we.

I loved him and he loved me; we had each other’s backs. That same year we took another trip just the two of us heading out of Denver for Salt Lake City where we stayed with my brother, Mike for a day or two, then headed to Lake Powell to see friends of his on holiday from the U.K., and then on up to San Francisco for a New Year's Eve Dead show at the Oakland Coliseum. I remember Stan watching me as this massive dragon puppet controlled by dozens of people underneath paraded around the floor level. It was an amazing sight that I'd forgotten about for years. Oh, the magic, the mystery, the delightful times we had together.

[Halloween shift at Chives in Denver]

Dearest Stan-

You are an amazing soul and I'm sure you are dancing in heaven, playing with the band. Even though I am happy to connect with you in Chicago just a few years ago I am so sorry to have lost touch with you.  I settled down and you went off for more adventure.  For the years we were together I am forever grateful for pushing me into new and wonderful experiences. You were the first man I knew who really appreciated me and all my quirks.  You totally let me be me.  Everyone should have a friend like that in their life.  I'm so proud of you for writing a book, taking care of your mother, and continuing to travel, for diving into yoga and meditation. Next time we meet we can get our yoga flow on.  Our journey together reminds me of one of my favorite books, Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins. I know I will find you again, maybe with root vegetables in your backpack, so I will just say "until we meet again dear friend"                   ~with great love,  me

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