Sunday, February 19, 2023

Old Age

I stayed with my mom for the last week and it was an experience. It's odd to be the one in charge, like a parent to your parent.  She needs a lot of help getting around the house and with meals.  She sits on this old love seat for most of the day watching lots of PBS. She feels depressed and ready to die.  As her daughter it's hard to hear her say these things because I'm afraid to have her die. On the other hand realistically she is exhausted and tired of feeling like crap because of her MDS  diagnosis.  It's stolen some good years away from her; like her body and her abilities look more like she's a fragile 100 year old human. 

During the week she blew up about something little more than once and that was hard to deal with for me. Truthfully she's always let her temper get the best of her but this seemed like more. Is it because she's in pain or is it just getting older? She's very stuck in her ways and this is getting worse as the days go by. She likes to wear certain shirts and sweaters, she likes her things set up on the sofa seat next to her, and she likes to be set up in bed exactly the same every night. She still loves to eat really good food even if it's super small portions. She loves her coffee in the morning. This week we had pasta with shrimp, fresh fried eggs, lovely little salads, and an un-spicy chili.  We had a small glass of champagne while we played cards to celebrate our last night together. 

I'm glad I have this time with her and hope she can make it until Spring. She loves the flowers, the sunshine, and sitting on a pretty patio. It’s hard watching your parent age and I have a front row seat. The week exhausted me - I was sleeping on a sofa-and listening to her cough and gasp all night. She was cranky with me but overall a good week together. I know I'll appreciate it down the road. 

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